What It's Really Like to Use a Strap-On Dildo

"It's tiring as hell to use a strap-on and I don't know how men who are on top do it."

Queer women have sex in all different types of ways, but sex with a strap-on dildo is definitely high-ranking for many of them. (If you're curious how straight women use strap-ons, check out What Women Really Think About Pegging.) In this week's Sex Talk Realness, solutionsbd.blogspot.com spoke with three women about their experiences with having strap-on sex and why it's unlike anything else. 

How old are you?Woman A: Twenty-four.

Woman B: Twenty-six.

Woman C: Twenty-seven. 

Do you sleep with only men, only women, or a mix?Woman A: Only women. 

Woman B: Only women. 

Woman C: Men, women, and anyone in between. 

How old were you when you first used a strap-on? Did you try it with a male partner or a female one?Woman A: I was 21 and a strap-on was my birthday gift to myself. I used it with my girlfriend.

Woman B: Only ladies. 

Woman C: I was 25 when I first used a strap-on with a woman and I haven't looked back since. 

What made you want to try it?Woman A: It was something I had been reading about on lesbian websites and it seemed like it would be a natural fit for our sex life.

Woman B: I don't know. Our sex is super fucking good and I think we just wanted to add something to it. 

Woman C: I definitely have a case of penis-envy. I love my vulva/vagina, but ever since I was little kid, I've tried to imagine my clitoris elongating into a penis and how it must feel to put an incredibly sensitive shaft into a warm, moist vagina. Even though I knew I wouldn't be able to feel that with a strap-on dildo, I thought maybe I would be able to come close to the sensation.

How did you approach the idea with your partner?Woman A: I think I brought it up after seeing one in an episode of The L Word one night, and then my girlfriend and I agreed that we wanted to try it, so I ordered one.

Woman B: I just brought the idea up to her. She was mad excited. 

Woman C: The girl I tried it with first was as giddy and excited to use one as I was, and we used it pretty much as soon as we talked about it. We were both fairly inexperienced with women, but had had many sexual partners, so we were really excited to try all sorts of sexy things we hadn't tried before. 

Describe what your first time using a strap-on was like. Woman A: I wore it first because I had always pictured myself being the one who would wear it (my girlfriend and I are both sort of tops). I didn't do a great job maneuvering it, and we didn't use enough lube, so then we switched to her wearing it and I loved it. I eventually got better at wearing it.

Woman B: Well, she's never been with a guy and it was a pretty big dildo, so I was kind of worried. She liked it, but I felt like I had no clue what I was doing. It's tiring as hell to use a strap-on though and I don't know how men who are on top do it. You slip and slide and go all over the place in the bed. I eventually just stood on the side of the bed and had sex with her that way. 

Woman C: Oh, it was so awkward. It was sexy, but we both felt very clumsy. It was hilarious how both of us felt inclined to immediately start penetration really fast! It was like all the socializing from watching porn made by men, for men, came rushing back to us in that moment and we thought that's what we needed to do. I don't know about her, but immediate fast-screwing is not something I enjoy right out of the gate. It was also a little embarrassing in the moment when I realized I was trying too hard, so to speak. We also had trouble with the dildo popping out. I think it was a combination of not having enough lubricant and not being able to actually feel the dildo itself. Like, it's not like it was my actual penis inside her vagina, so I had trouble knowing how far to pull out or how far to push in. There was also a lot of giggling and apologizing. It was all hilarious and sexy!

What surprised you most about using it?Woman A: I was surprised that I wanted to be on the receiving end as much as I did.

Woman B: Just how tiring it was and also how useless I felt. She didn't come and I didn't feel anything. 

Woman C: How powerful it felt. How aggressive I felt, even if I was going slowly or gently. It kind of scared me and excited me, and feeling like I had more power in the situation was a big part of that. I also hadn't expected to feel so powerful by just walking around with it on. It made me want to strut and flap it around. 

Do you like to wear a strap-on all the time or just during sex?Woman A: Only during sex.

Woman B: No, just during sex.

Woman C: If I lived with a partner, I might put it on and wear around the apartment to make them laugh, but ultimately, no. I just wear it during sex because it's not exactly practical to wear it under clothing for me. I wear very tight pants.