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Last Longer in Bed! Sex Experts Tell You How

Premature ejaculation is embarrassing...
But you’re not alone: About 30% of all men suffer from it

When it got to the point where it affected my relationships, I had to do something about my premature ejaculation problem. After months of research and trial and error, I finally figured out a way to overcome the embarrassing symptoms. I know a lot of guys suffer the same problem, that’s why I decided to share my journey and show you the exact techniques I used to conquer premature ejaculation.

4 Myths About the Female Orgasm

Last start with some myths about sex and premature ejaculation before we digg into the details

Long Sex = Good Sex

Guys often equate marathon sexual sessions with great sex. However, men and women are wired differently. Many women prefer 10-20 minutes of passionate, rough sex.
As guys, we tend to think we need to have sex with a girl for hours on end to really please her. But this is often wrong. Women fantasize about passion. A woman’s favorite sexual experience may the time she had sex for two minutes in a bathroom or an impromptu back-seat-of-the-car romp.

Just remember to be a passionate lover! While you do need to last a little while (about 8 - 12 minutes), a few minutes of passionate sex is better than 2 hours of endless, mundane pumping.

Penis Size = Female Satisfaction

Guys - stop worrying about the size of your member. Penis size doesn't matter to many women. In a 2012 study, researchers found that over sixty percent of women don't care about the size of their partner’s penis.

Also, the average penis size is actually much smaller than most men believe. A study done in 2013 by the Journal of Sexual Medicine found the average penis to be around 5.5 inches long. Another study found women prefer penises that were around 6.5 inches long when asked to pick a penis ranging from 4 inches up to 8.5 inches.

And if you ask a woman about their best lover ever – it's rarely the guy with the biggest member. No - most women say that the best sex of their life was an incredibly passionate experience.

Penetration is Necessary for a Woman to Orgasm

As humans, we all love sex. Women love sex just as much as men. However, men and women love sex in different ways. Men enjoy an orgasm in almost every sexual encounter. Women want this as well, but there's a problem: roughly 30% of women cannot reach orgasm.
Not only that - but around 80% of women have never had a vaginal orgasm. This means that only 1 in 5 women can orgasm from penetration alone. That’s not a good percentage, guys. So why do we worry so much about penetration?

Well, I don’t know the answer to that. What I can tell you is that we shouldn’t! You can give your woman an orgasm in a number of ways - before, during, and after penetration. Statistically speaking, you are much more likely to give your girl a clitoral orgasm with your mouth than any other way.

Women Don’t Like Sex as Much as Guys Do

Guys, we aren't in middle school anymore. Women love sex. Do you think Fifty Shades of Grey would've been one of the bestselling books of all-time if they didn't?
Women fantasize about sex just as much as we do. They have just been taught to be more discreet about their desires. If you think a woman is innocent and doesn't have as dirty of a mind as you do, then you're dead wrong.

Women get turned on in a completely different way than we guys do. Often, what arouses a woman is much more complex than what arouses a man. Guys might be turned on by seeing a hot girl with a nice body, but a woman needs more than just the visual.
Science used to claim that men are more sexual than women, but this was due to inaccurate study-results. Women have been proven to lie more than men in surveys. They often attempt to answer how they think they "should", instead of being honest.

What are the causes of premature ejaculation?

Exessive Porn Consumption

Yep, that’s right. Porn. According to recent studies, porn consumption affects dopamine production- a hormone responsible for controlling your ejaculation reflex. By watching adult videos excessively you teach yourself to come too quickly.
Since Internet porn makes it very easy for us to watch all kinds of fetishes and pornstars, we get used to it and masturbate to quickly achieve orgasm—almost like an addict seeking the next dopamine rush. Most men develop this habit from a very early age, making it hard to overcome if the right techniques are not used.

Hormonal Imbalance

Specifically Serotonin and Testosterone. . The hormone Serotonin controls our feelings of happiness and regulates sleep. However, there is also a direct connection between that hormone and your endurance in bed. This is why antidepressants are prescribed for these issues.
Unfortunately, they have a long list of side effects, like loss of sex drive and fatigue, making them impractical to use. The second hormone, testosterone, regulates your sexual desire, muscle growth, fitness, vitality and much more. Addressing this issue brings a number of additional benefits, such as having more confidence, as well as the ability to go for that 2nd round.

Anxiety & Performance Pressure

Having had many bad experiences – over and over again – you developed a mental block in you subconscious. With each failed attempt you felt more and more pressure to finally perform well. You may have also had unrealistic expectations due to excessive porn consumption, from comparing yourself with pornstars (consciously and unconsciously) causing even more stress.
You may have also had unrealistic expectations due to excessive porn consumption, from comparing yourself with pornstars (consciously and unconsciously) causing even more stress.

It’s Biological

Your ancestors, back in cavemen days, had to be prepared to fight for their family, food, and more at a moment's notice. This meant that marathon sexual sessions were not an option. Men that took a long time to come could be attacked during the act which decreased their odds of passing on their genes.
However, men who came quickly were able to spread their seed far and wide. A few pumps here, a few pumps there, and a baby was on the way. Men who could spread their seed rapidly had more offspring. Therefore, we all have a genetic inclination toward premature ejaculation.
So, relax – coming quickly is not a bad thing. You're genetically wired to do this, just like every other guy. The good news is that many men have found ways around this issue, and so can you!

6 Proven Solutions To Overcome Premature Ejaculation And Finally Last Longer In Bed

1

The Most Common Solution to Premature Ejaculation: Kegel Exercises

Kegel exercises work out your pelvic floor muscle in order to give you more control over your orgasm. The muscles that control your orgasm are similar to those that control the flow of urine when you urinate.
If you ever had to stop peeing in the middle of using the restroom, then you know how to flex your kegel muscles. However, for most men premature ejaculation is mental not physical. If you can stop yourself in the middle of urinating then your kegel muscles are strong enough.
Strengthening your pelvic floor through kegel exercises can still be beneficial to some men. If you have well trained pelvic muscles, you can learn the squeeze-and-hold-technique, allowing you to hold in your ejaculation when orgasming, without losing your erection. You can just keep going. This requires the right exercises tho.
The first step in kegel exercises is to identify your pelvic floor muscle by stopping in the middle of urination. Once you can feel the muscle, you’ll want to start practicing. Go pee and then lie on your back with knees bent and spread apart. Flex your pelvic floor muscles and hold the contraction for 3 seconds. Then relax for 3 seconds and go again. Do 3-5 sets to begin and work your way up to 10 sets.

2

Try Hypnosis to “reprogram” your subconscious mind to last longer

Whether you like it or not, your subconscious thoughts and desires control more of your actions than you’d imagine - especially during intercourse. Many things come into play, like what you associate with sex such as, old memories and irrational fears - all of which may be causing you issues and are not very encouraging.
Oftentimes men get into a subconscious self-fulfilling prophecy or vicious cycle: Because you had so many experiences of finishing too fast, your subconscious starts to accept it as the standard and strives to fulfill it.
NLP (Neuro Linguistic-Programming) and Hypnosis offer you a way to take your interfering thoughts and turn them into useful ones. It will help you to detach yourself from your fears and rewire your subconscious mind for longer lasting sex.

If your subconscious mind does not align with your conscious control of your body, you will continually be fighting an uphill battle in fighting premature ejaculation.
3

Adjust Hormones by Changing Your Diet, Taking Supplements or Medication

Hormones influence all aspects of sex. Serotonin and dopamine have a direct impact on how long you last in bed. You can change the effects of these hormones on your sex organs by taking SSRI pills, which have been proven to help prolong male ejaculation time. However, SSRI pills often have major side effects.
One of the main (and very common) side effects of SSRI pills is erectile dysfunction… Now I don’t know about you, but I’d prefer to ejaculate prematurely than not to be able to get it up. So, instead of taking SSRI pills, you might want to try changing your diet.

Foods like bananas, dark chocolate, wild fish, free range beef, and organic eggs all boost serotonin levels. Also, consider drinking a whey protein shake each day. Alternatively, you can use supplements and natural plant extracts to boost your serotonin production - without the side effects you’d get from SSRImedication. This is because supplements and plant extracts provide your brain with the necessary proteins it needs to produce serotonin, instead of pushing your receptors to produce more (like SSRIs do). It helps your body to reach its full, natural potential and balances out a deficiency in serotonin (if you happen to have one).
4

Positions To Help You Last Longer

It’s much harder to last in some sexual positions than in others. Every man needs to find out what positions work best for him. However, there are some general guidelines to follow:

First, you want to have gravity working for you - not against you. This means that the "missionary position" may be contributing to your problem. Not only is your penis on a downward slope while in missionary, but you also have to hold up your own body weight. Holding your body weight up requires you to flex your muscles, which leads to faster ejaculation.


Try girl-on-top positions to delay ejaculation. Your muscles won’t be flexed and you'll have gravity on your side. Control her movements by firmly guiding her hips with your hands. If you get close to coming, stay inside your girl, but pull her down to kiss you. As you kiss, make sure she stops moving. This will give you a nice break.
You can also try standing during sex, if you have a bed or couch at the right height. Many men find that standing up while having sex delays their orgasm. Depending on the height of the bed or couch, your girl can lie on her back and you can do standing-missionary. Or she can be bent over in doggy-style while you are standing.
5

Gain confidence in bed and eliminate performance anxiety

If you are nervous about having sex with a girl or busting too quickly, you most likely will do just that. Sex is like sports. If you are thinking about missing a shot or dropping a ball, you will. If you are thinking about coming quickly, you will.
However, you can handle this problem in a few ways. The first way is the fun way. If you have a girlfriend or a chick you are regularly having sex with then start having more sex. Actually, you should have as much sex as possible. Practice makes perfect.
Another way to get rid of performance anxiety is through affirmations. When you wake up in the morning walk to the mirror and stare at yourself. Then start saying things like, “I am going to rock her world” or “My sexual stamina is a strength” or “I can last as long as I want”. You get the idea. Repeat each saying 10 times every morning.
Lastly, you can try using NLP (Neuro Linguistic-Programming) to cure your performance anxiety.
6

Your Breathing During Sex Plays a
Big Role In Your Arousal, and How
Long You Can Last in Bed

Men breathe heavier and faster when they're about to come. How you breathe is directly correlated with your level of excitement and arousal. When your breath is heavy during intercourse, your mind thinks it's time to ejaculate.
Thus, to extend your stamina in the bedroom, you must control your breathing. Make a mental note to breathe slowly while you're inside your girl. Relax your mind and slow your breath. If this means you slowly thrust in and out of her, so be it. If you start to breathe heavily during sex and can't catch your breath - slow down or pull out. Then, catch your breath and start again.
If you're out of shape, this could be hurting your sex life. Try adding more cardio into your workout schedule if you find yourself huffing and puffing every time you have sex.

7

Learn to please her in other ways

Practice makes perfect. If you're going to last longer in bed, you need to have more sex. And it’s tough to have a lot of sex if you can't get a girl to have sex with you more than once.
This means you need to please her in other ways. If premature ejaculation is a big issue for you, learn to pleasure a woman without penetration. The two easiest ways to do this are with your fingers and/or your mouth.

Fingering the clitoris is often a waste of time. However, you can still use your fingers to your advantage. To finger a girl properly, use your index and middle fingers. Slide these two fingers inside her (wet) vagina and find the “squishy” part of her vagina, located on the top of the vaginal cavity, about an inch or two inside of her. Slowly begin to make a come-hither motion with your fingers. This stimulates her G-spot. As she begins to enjoy what you are doing, you can get fairly aggressive fingering her. Babies come out of that thing; you don’t have to be too careful with it. Just remember to listen to breathing and moaning.
To arouse a woman orally, start by giving her whole pussy 10-12 “dog licks” to warm her up, before moving on to her clitoris. There are a number of ways to use your lips and tongue. The easiest way is to suck her clitoris into your mouth and then flick it with your tongue as you continue to suck on it. Every woman is different, so find out what she likes by experimenting and watching her reactions.

Sonali Bank Sr. Officer Officer Officer Cash Job 2016

Sonali Bank Job Circular Apply Online 2016 has been found a website http://dhaka-jobs.com/. Sonali Bank has been published new job circular these job positions are as Senior Officer, Officer and Officer (Cash). Presently this job circular has been published Bangladesh Bank. Now Bangladesh Bank centrally published all Government Bank recruitments. 

Bangladesh Bank already selected a committee for only recruitments of Bankers Selection Committee. Sonali Bank Ltd Job vacancies are total two thousand two hundred seventy six (2276). Senior Officer total vacancies seven hundred one (701), Officer total vacancies eight hundred twenty (820) and Officer (cash) total vacancies seven hundred fifty five are recruiting Sonali Bank. You can also visit this sire http://bdloan.net/.

Sonali Bank Job Summary:
Job Title: Senior Officer, Officer, Officer (Cash)
Job Description: Sonali Bank has been recruited manpower by the Bangladesh Bank Bankers Selection Committee.
■ Online Apply Start: February 25, 2016 (Sr. Officer)
■ Online Apply End: March 16, 2016 (Sr. Officer)
■ Online Apply Start: March 03, 2016 (Officer)
■ Online Apply End: March 23, 2016 (Officer)
■ Online Apply Start: March 10, 2016 (Officer Cash)
■ Online Apply End: March 30, 2016 (Officer Cash)
Job Nature: Full-time
Job Type: Banking (Sonali Bank Ltd)
Employment Type: Permanent
Education Qualification: See Job Advertisement.
Job Experience: See Job Advertisement.
Gender: Both (Male & Female)
Compensation and Benefit: As per policy of the bank. [Government 8th Pay-scale]
How to Apply:  Apply to Bankers Selection Committee [https://erecruitment.bb.org.bd/onlineapp/joblist.php]
Job Location: Anywhere in Bangladesh
Age Limit: 30 and 32

Click Here to Apply Now Sonali Bank Sr. Officer Officer Officer Cash Job 2016

Sonali Bank Job Circular Apply Online 2016:

Sonali Bank Ltd has been circlet by Bangladesh Bank new jobs of Senior Officer, Officer, and Officer (Cash). Sonali Bank Limited job online apply start Senior Officer 25th February and continue up to 16th March, 2016. Officer online start 3rd March and continue up to 23rd March. Officer Cash online start 10th March and continue up to 30th March, 2016. The candidate of Sonali Bank applicant are face to three category exam such as, MCQ exam, written exam and viva voice exam. Sonali Bank applicant written exam syllabus Essay English 15 marks, Essay Bangla 15 marks, Translation English to Bangla 15 marks, Translation Bangla to English 15 marks, Mathematics 15 marks, Letter writing in English 15 marks, Translation 10 marks.

On Finding My Way Back

For a long time my life looked just like my friends’. I graduated high school and went to college where I did college things like go to parties and join a sorority. After college I got a job, moved into my own apartment, and started my adult life. I bought a house. I got married. All things my friends were doing, too.
Suddenly I feel different. People are having babies. Advancing their careers. Planning their futures.

All things I’m not sure I’ll ever get to do.


I don’t know if it was turning 30 – spending so much time thinking about that milestone and what it means. If it was spending weeks planning #for30more – being consumed by all things cystic fibrosis. Or if it was some combination of the two. Or neither. But I’ve been struggling.
Struggling not to suffocate from the unending sadness.

Struggling to feel joy for friends and their milestones – occasions I would normally love celebrating.
Struggling to participate in normal, everyday conversations; letting them get drowned out by a constant internal conversation, one full of questions with no answers; of “yes, but”s; of my biggest fears.

Struggling to relate to almost everyone. And it’s been so very lonely.
Because of this I’ve been pulling away; hiding again; finding comfort in the isolation – a place that’s lonely and sad, yes, but is also a place where I don’t feel like an outsider. I don’t have to fake it or pretend everything is okay; instead I can cry and get angry and welcome the pain in. I can try to get comfortable with these things rather than push them away.
And I hope that by giving myself the time and space to explore the pain and sadness that comes with having a terminal illness, I’ll find my way back. Back to those conversations, back to my friends. Back to myself.

How To Pick Up A Woman in 15 Easy Steps

So I guess after my 14 attempts at picking up a woman, you’d figure the stars were finally aligned or my numbers came up or something happened to create a successful pick up. Yes, that’s right – last night, I, Mr. Dating Guy, successfully managed to initiate a conversation with a woman I’d never met before and get her phone number.

Last night I went to the same bookstore I was at a couple of weeks ago, where I had found a diamond earring, while attempting to pick up a couple of women. Turns out no one claimed them and the store manager called me to say I could come and pick the earring up.

I took the subway to the bookstore but wasn’t feeling particularly social. I don’t know why, since I had just made a move on a female friend of mine a couple of days ago and my last pick up attempt went very well. For some reason, I just wasn’t into talking with strangers on the subway. There were a couple of women I could’ve definitely started talking to but I chickened out and just sat silent and observed everyone else around me on the way to the bookstore.

When I got to the bookstore, I picked up the earring and headed upstairs to browse through books and see if I could start talking to someone. There were a lot of people in the store – many more than the last time I was there. I just wasn’t feeling that confident and I couldn’t shake the feeling. I saw a couple of women that I could’ve approached but I chickened out. I decided to console myself by just looking for some books to read for myself and forgetting about picking anybody up for the time being.

I headed to the philosophy section and start browsing. A few minutes pass and I suddenly notice there’s a woman who’s browsing really close to me. I perk up and wonder if I should start to say anything. But I don’t, which just causes me to feel worse and I decide to go back to my book browsing.

Then I move to the history section and start looking through a World War 2 book. I’m a big fan of history, especially 20th century, so this was something I really enjoyed. I must have stood there for a good 10 minutes just going through the book and consoling myself that I didn’t have to pick anyone up tonight. After all, maybe I deserved a break. Maybe other people wouldn’t consider this normal, to consistently go to public places to try and pick up women.

As I’m rationalizing my inaction, I hear the voice of a woman asking one of the store clerks for help finding a book. As it turns out, the book she was looking for was very close to where I was standing. She thanks the store clerk for the help and starts looking at the book. I get a look at her. She’s semi attractive. Not gorgeous, but definitely not ugly. Definite friends with benefits material and there’s a long shot for something more serious with her. OK, this must be a sign from above because a) I didn’t have to walk up to her since her book happened to be right next to me and b) the book’s title is very intriguing so it’s a great conversation starter.

I open with a question about the book. I honestly can’t remember exactly what I said but I think it was a comment about the funny title of the book. She looks up and tells me more about it. I can see she’s very intelligent right away. She starts telling me about all these other books that she’s really into, and she tells me how she’s a big fan of world history (which is a big plus in my books since I love history as well). I can see she’s a very passionate person with strong convictions. I’m actually quite pleasantly surprised to meet someone so intelligent and passionate and open.

After 10 minutes of non-stop talking, her female friend comes by to see if she’s ready to leave, but the woman tells her friend that she’ll meet up with her later. I take that as a very positive sign that she’s interested in me, since she could have used that as the perfect excuse to wrap things up with me and leave with her friend.

I feel like this would be a good opportunity to ask her to go for coffee and continue this further. So I ask, ever so casually, “Listen, it’s really interesting talking with you… what do you say we continue this over coffee?” She smiles but says she has to see her friend shortly. But then she gives me her business card and says to call her so we can get together another time. Alright, so I’m in.

We finally do a name introduction – she’s Anna. We then continue to talk… and talk… and talk. We literally talked non-stop for about an hour and half – until the store closed! She told me about her family, her upbringing, her beliefs, and we shared some funny stories. We had a lot of fun just sharing and talking and connecting. When the store closed, we went outside and talked for a few more minutes on the street. I offered to walk her over to her friend’s place but she said she could manage fine by herself. Now that I think about it, that probably wasn’t a great move on my part – after all, she only met me, and here I was offering to walk alone with her late in the evening. She tells me how it was most unexpected to meet me and my intuition is telling me that she’s definitely interested to go out. She tells me how she’s pleasantly surprised about our serendipitous meeting. I’m feeling great, too, but I wasn’t going to tell her “Oh, yeah, you’re my 15th pick up attempt and I came here to practice, and guess what – I finally succeeded with you!” We bid each other farewell and she goes off to her friend’s house while I go back home on the subway.
You’d think I’d be jumping for joy and be one of the happiest people on earth. Don’t get me wrong – I’m happy and really proud of the fact that I stuck through it and continued to pursue this goal despite the setbacks. But I’m not completely over the moon. One reason, is that I felt I lucked out because Anna happened to be browsing right next to me. I didn’t approach the women on the subway or the other women I saw at the bookstore before I started talking to Anna. Also, she wasn’t physically as attractive as I would have liked.

On the postive side, my feelings about dating are evolving. The fact that I went out tonight and got a phone number of someone that was a complete stranger just a few hours earlier is a feeling of great empowerment. It’s like I don’t have to depend anymore on women that I meet through traditional channels – through friends, dating sites, work, school, etc. The fact that I can just go out and meet new women out in public makes me feel… free, more attractive, independent and successful. I feel like I don’t have to accept crap from flaky women that don’t want to commit to a date or feeling scared of rejection from some woman that I really like. If I know I can go out and easily meet more women, then it makes me more relaxed and not feel like my happiness is dependent on how one or two women will respond to my overtures. It makes me care less about the outcome with any one woman, which, ironically, improves my chances of hooking up with women. I don’t have that desperate or determined attitude behind my words or actions and women can sense that I’m relaxed, but still engaged, in the interactions with them. This is the reason why I feel it’s necessary for me to date multiple women at the same time.

Things I learned

  • Don’t go out with the goal of picking up. Tonight, I just wanted to connect with a new woman through a conversation, that’s all. If I happened to pick someone up, then great, but it wasn’t my goal. This concept is counter intuitive because we use goal setting in so many other areas of our lives. But for some reason, straight goal setting doesn’t seem to work as well with dating and picking up. The indirect approach seems to work better.
  • Warm up if I’m feeling out of practice with picking up women. Last night, I felt like I couldn’t just jump in and start talking to women I was attracted to right away. I could have warmed up beforehand by chatting with other people that I wasn’t interested in – older women, men, unattractive women, etc. It’s like stretching before you start exercising.

Women, Women and More Women: Date With Hot Neighbor, Pick Up

Yesterday was an insane day as far as dating goes – I finally went on a date with my hot neighbor Eve, I tried to pick up a woman I met on the subway, I asked out another woman I met at an evening business networking event and I confirmed plans for Saturday with Angela, my friend with benefits. Oh, and I also had this long talk about dating with my female friend, Yvonne, and she’s now calling me her dating guru.

I don’t mean to sound like I’m boasting – I just find it amazing that my dating life has really improved in the last month – and all of it due to me just getting out there and approaching women, being more social, having fun and practicing my daily morning pick ups.

Date With My Hot Neighbor

OK, so first off I had my date with Eve, my hot neighbor. We went for coffee and had a great time connecting. We talked and laughed but I think there was a definite connection there. Turns out we have stuff in common about spirituality and philosophy of life and it was great to see that someone I found attractive had similar beliefs and values, too.
On the down side, she’s 4 years older than me and has an almost teenage son, but I’m willing to treat this as a “what if” situation. Like what if we had this nice hot fling and see where this goes :)
It’s kind of funny since we both live in the same building, we walked over to the coffee shop together and walked back together. We went up the elevator together and had to say our good-bye in the elevator. She said to call her if I want to get together with her again so I took that as a sign that she’s interested.

Pick Up Attempt 16 – On the Subway

I headed to a business networking event and I took the subway. I’m finding it easier and easier to strike up a conversation with a woman I’m attracted to. I noticed her coming down the stairs and getting onto a subway car. I just followed her into the same subway car and when she sat down I just asked her for directions to the place I was going. Now, I knew how to get there but I wanted to open with someone that would put her defenses down – the indirect approach that’s worked for me before. After she told me how to get to my place, I just sat relatively close to her (but not right next to her) and just started talking. She responded quite well and we ended up chatting for a good 15 minutes. As we were getting closer to her stop I just casually said, “Listen, you seem really nice and I was wondering if we could go out some time.” She smiles and I can see she thought about it but in the end she tells me that she’s recently taken a job out of town and will be moving in the next month or two. I accept her explanation and wish her well as she gets off at the next stop. I wonder, though, if I was more persistent, but in a fun way, if she would have considered having a short term fling. I mean, why not?!

Pick Up Attempt 17 – At a Networking Event

I got to my networking event and just fell into my groove. I felt like Rocky (one of my all time favorite movies, by the way) who runs and trains on the streets of Philadelphia – nothing fancy or high end, but when it comes down to a championship fight, he’s there and ready to rock. So here I was, after consistently saying hello to strangers, approaching women I meet in public and just being more social, I come to a social event – it was like taking candy from a baby – it just felt so easy being social with people who were there to socialize after spending so much time practicing/training being more social and outgoing.

I met a lot of cool people there and this really striking and very intelligent Brazilian woman. She just seemed so genuine and open and didn’t have any attitude about being beautiful – I was really amazed and drawn towards her. We talked throughout the evening, flirted, laughed and really connected. She kept touching my arm and shoulder throughout the evening but I also saw her do that with other guys so I wondered if it was a cultural thing that she’s just like that with a lot of guys.

At the end of the evening I had made up my mind I was going to ask her out – but I didn’t have the balls to just do it right there because I thought I would continue the connection by email. The Brazilian woman befriended my good friend, Yvonne, and the two of them exchanged contact info. I left the event with Yvonne and asked her if she could give me the Brazilian’s email. Well, Yvonne refused, saying that she wouldn’t do that to someone and that if I wanted to know if she would go out with me that I’d have to go back and ask her myself. And that’s exactly what I did…

I walk back to the event (we had just left) came up to the Brazilian and asked her to come over so I can talk to her privately. I just said something really simple like “I was going to contact you by email but my friend Yvonne refused to give me your address so I wanted to come back here and ask you myself: you seem really nice and someone I’d like to get to know better – would you like to go out sometime?” She was very flattered that I asked but said that she’s just getting over a big break up and isn’t ready to date yet. I took it all in stride and we continued to chat and joke around for a bit and then I left with Yvonne, again. I think there’s a definite possibility with the Brazilian because Yvonne will see here again and I’m likely to see her again if I come out to another event from the same networking group (to which the Brazilian belongs to). I felt like I just needed that extra push to go and ask out the Brazilian and Yvonne helped me out by refusing to give me her contact info.

Dating Advisor to a Female Friend

I didn’t think I would suddenly start giving dating advice to a woman, but that’s what happened with Yvonne. On the subway ride back she kept saying how she was very impressed that I just went back and asked out the Brazilian right away. I didn’t even think about it that much, to be perfectly honest. It’s like this kind of behavior is getting more ingrained and natural to me – I like that.

Yvonne is having her own problems with dating and she started asking me for advice on how to behave around guys she’s attracted to. I started telling her more and more about my dating life (up to now I hadn’t shared all my recent adventures with her) and how it’s been working for me so far and I’m having a great time. For instance, I told her all the events from today and she was floored that after seeing me ask out the Brazilian, she learned that I had also gone out on a date and asked out someone else I met on the subway all in one day.

Meanwhile, she’s having trouble making this one guy interested in her. I shared with her my ideas about practicing flirting and interacting with new people on a regular basis and how that’s helped me. She has the same problem I do – she can be very easy going and relaxed around guys she’s not that interested in but gets all tense and nervous around guys she’d like to be involved with romantically. I joked with her that we become “robots” around people we’re attracted to and how that ruins all the attraction in the other person’s eyes.

Who knows? Maybe Yvonne will become another friend with benefits. At this point, I’m just happy she can benefit from my experiences.

Beautiful Advice From a Divorced Man After 16 Years of Marriage

A note from James Russell Lingerfelt: Mr. Gerald Rogers’ article stirred a wide variety of feelings among people across the globe. Helped and encouraged thousands, infuriated few. We read letters from women in Malaysia comforting women in England. Men in USA and Singapore spoke healing words to men in Europe and India. A man in Germany responded with some of the deepest insights I’ve read in years. The unity and compassion among people which this article brought forth was a beautiful experience to witness. I’ll never forget it.

One common idea reverberated among many of the healthy responses: If we make the conscious decision to daily place our spouse’s desires and needs above our own, and that’s reciprocated, the marriage will succeed. Is utter and complete selflessness the goal? The advice in this article can be applied to both genders.

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had:

1. Never stop courting
Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it.

This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.


2. Protect your own heart
Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife.

Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3. Fall in love over and over again
You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday.

SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4. Always see the best in her
Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love.

Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5. It’s not your job to change or fix her
Your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.


6. Take full accountability...
...For your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7. Never blame your wife if you...
get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed.

You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8. Allow your woman to just be
When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean.

The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET.

Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9. Be silly
don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10. Fill her soul everyday
learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.


11. Be present
Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12. Be willing to take her sexually...
To carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13. Don’t be an idiot
And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14. Give her space
The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing.

(Okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)


15. Be vulnerable
You don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16. Be fully transparent
If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds…

Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.


17. Never stop growing together
The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18. Don’t worry about money
Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19. Forgive immediately...
and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.


20. Always choose love
ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.


In the end marriage isn’t about happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity.

Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.


These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I loved being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.
If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love.

One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.


MEN - THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER.There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.

The New Slavery: World News

The goal of the plutocrats now running U.S. society, including our governments, is now abundantly clear: they endeavor to institute a new age of slavery. This was made evident in an editorial in today’s N.Y. Times with the compelling title of “A Rising Call to Promote STEM Education and Cut Liberal Arts Funding” By Patricia Cohen (Feb. 21, 2016).
Wait, that doesn’t sound so radical, does it? It does if you know a few facts. For one there is no reason to favor STEM education over any other. There is no shortage of qualified applicants for STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics) jobs.

The unemployment statistics show this in the numbers of recent graduates who cannot get jobs in their fields as does the basic fact of economics that if there is a shortage of workers of a particular type, their wages increase (to attract the few that are available). Wages in this field are changing no faster than the others. The “shortage” of STEM job candidates and STEM college graduates was cooked up by plutocrats to support their demands for more visas to allow STEM foreign workers into the U.S. Recently Disney was caught laying off 20 of its I.T. employees to be replaced by foreigners on work visas, for example. There was no “shortage” other than the one created by the firing of the current workers who, by the way, were earning performance bonuses so it is hard to argue they were substandard.

The plutocrats really like these workers on visas, as they work for less, which drives down wages for all of the other workers in their category and they don’t complain, because if they lose their job they lose their visa and “bye-bye U.S.”

“Welcome to the new slavery. The chains are invisible but real. Sit down and shut the fuck up.”

What is telling are the arguments being used, basically “STEM good, humanities bad.” They argue that public money shouldn’t be spent on students who would be working at the lower paying jobs that a humanities education affords. (I hear echoes of “effing hippies” from the 60’s.) This argument is, of course, bogus. Currently humanities college graduates in the U.S. have starting salaries that are roughly equal to the median salary of all Americans. This means those humanities grads, all things being roughly the same as they have been in the past, will be earning above average wages for the rest of their lives, which means they will pay above average taxes and the taxes in excess of the average amount repay the public for the education expenditure several times over. So, guarding the public coffers is a bogus argument.

Also, the plutocrats are basically saying that we should use data regarding what people are making now to focus our attention regarding what is important in an education. This makes no sense in an economy in which people’s jobs are changing so fast that the average worker can expect to have seven different jobs in their working life, many of which have not yet been invented. (If you used the job description “social media consultant” ten years ago, what would people have thought?)
It is clear the kind of future the plutocrats plan.

 They expect citizens to “sit down and shut the fuck up” while they run the country however they wish. If citizens are to have choices of political candidates it is only ever between candidates that offer no threat to the status quo. If a candidate does offer a threat, say recommending free education and higher taxes on the rich (Go, Bernie!), he is to be quashed as strongly as possible by a candidate propped up by the plutocrats.

To enforce this vision of the future, the plutocrats are using chains of debt. For example, many political upheavals in this country have been supported by college students. A few changes in the tax code and voilĂ  now total college student debt exceeds total credit card debt (think about that). A student looking at a mountain of debt that needs to be paid off cannot afford to blemish his ability to get a good paying job with an arrest record, etc. so, college students have been defanged.

Additionally, teachers and teachers unions have opposed plutocrats (even to the point of voting for Democrats), so now they are demonized and beleaguered on all sides and are no longer a political force.

Welcome to the new slavery. The chains are invisible but real. Sit down and shut the fuck up.

Why creatures rebel against the Omnipotent Creator

Why doesn’t Satan throw in the towel? He’s a seraph, so he must know better than any other sort of creature ever could that God is doomed to crush him, and that he himself is doomed to fail. Why does he then keep roaming the world seeking the ruin of souls? Why doesn’t he save himself the trouble?

When Lucifer turns from God, he ipso facto turns from Reality, and from Truth. From that moment he is incapable of apprehending the fullness of Truth. This means that he cannot apprehend God as properly God. He cannot see God for who he really is. He can see God, to be sure, and can remember his own prelapsarian life. But he can interpret his memories of perfect virtue and his present experiences of God only under the aspect of his turn from Truth; which is to say, only under the aspect of a purblind, partial, distorted image of Reality. It is a flat image, that has lost the dimension of ultimacy – of God’s eternity, omnipotence, omniscience, ubiquity, and so forth. It no longer exists for him; it is to him a meaningless notion, a nullity. Satan sees that God is powerful, but does not understand what it means that God is omnipotent.

He therefore cannot believe that God – God properly so called, the God of whom the Philosophers, Israel, the Church and her prophets, apostles, saints and mystics all speak – actually exists. Satan simply, honestly does not see that he has a King. He sees God, but does not register the fact of the righteousness of God’s reign. He sees God as a tyrant, no greater in principle than he is, whom he could usurp, and would.
He is an atheist.

So is he a nominalist, and a nihilist. For, having turned from Reality, he has turned to nothingness. All that remains to him then is himself, looking out upon nothing. And he takes this solitude as basic to being. So is he an unwitting solipsist. And so sophistical a solipsist is he, that no contravening item can penetrate to his awareness.
He is, in short, deluded – and cannot understand that this is so.

You can’t turn to a Light that you can’t see (except by accident). So Satan can’t turn back to God. He sees nothing there to turn back to. He and his minions literally can’t see God, or the Good. They see only perversions of the Good, and of God; and it is to these perversions that they adhere, and abhere. They seek the Less than Optimal, mistaking it for the Optimal; they are idolaters. Presumably they are honest errants, honest idolaters. They cannot turn from their moral course, because they cannot see that there is any other sort of course open to them. As with the Truth and the Light, the Way for them is nonexistent.
Satan cannot turn back.

In this he is unlike men. Men inherit a turn from Reality as Original Sin, to be sure; this is the Body of Death. That Body obscures Reality, so that men see it only as through a glass, and darkly. Even to apprehend its existence, they need experience or education or training. This they seek by their nature, which was first made (like those of all creatures) for and toward God. But men are far less scient than angels, and have a much harder time attaining certainty about anything. It behooves them if they want to live then to be ever doubtful, to fret and worry always whether they have got things wrong after all. Men are so constituted in their biological essences as never to be able to choose irrevocably while they yet live. All their dogmas are held provisionally, and are subject to change depending on further developments. Men can therefore amend their policies, and do. They can at every moment of their lives turn from one path to another, diametrically opposite path.

This turn is presumably available to Lucifer too, ontologically; it is prevented to him only epistemologically. His phenomenal life is devoid of enchantment; for him, there is no musical aspect to being, nor for that matter any ultimately rational aspect to it, no Rational Ultimate. Reality is for him essentially unintelligible; for in turning from Reality and Truth, you turn from all that is intelligible toward what is not; toward chaos and non-being. Turning from the Good himself, and from Reality per se, you turn effectually away from moral realism, and become a radical moral skeptic. You turn finally also from causal power, ergo from actuality: for the efficacious use of power depends upon its apt application to Reality as it is in itself. So, Satan is dwindling toward the zero of action, toward his tomb of icy immobility.

Satan does not throw in the towel, then, because his certainty in the competence of his science blinds him both to its incompetence and to the fact of his error. Being blind to the Real Good he is alive exclusively to a False Good, and seeks it. He seeks for all creatures – i.e., for his own environment of actual entities, his own world of which he is the ruler – a radical freedom from what he sees as the unjust strictures of fantastic religious cults whose object is strictly illusory, and whose acts and works are therefore insane and evil.
It goes like this, then:
  1. The comprehension of seraphic science leads to overconfidence – to Pride. Thanks to his comprehension, the seraph has no true reason to feel any doubt in his own powers of apprehension or knowledge or understanding.
  2. But even comprehensive science cannot see what is not – it cannot see or a fortioriconcretely or vividly understand evil or disorder ex ante – cannot see what it is like to be wicked, as compared to what it is like to be virtuous. Ex ante, an evil option will seem to it morally indifferent, and will seem to pose no danger.
  3. The innocent seraphic conscience is therefore ignorant of evil. Only ex post can any creaturely agent fully understand the character of what it has done.
  4. But even having Fallen, the seraph never does fully understand what he has done as evil. He never can. He is stuck in his ignorance. Talk about a clever silly!
  5. Having Fallen, the seraph is not disabused of his Pride, for he is ignorant thereof. The Prideful seraph has no idea that he is ignorant of anything; his Pride seems therefore to him, honestly, quite apt, as also do all his acts. He has no notion that he is Proud. He does not know that he does not know what he does not know.
  6. The Truth, then, the Good, the Beautiful, the Real, and the Potent are to the Fallen seraph utterly invisible. He sees only their perversions, and mistakes them for the genuine articles.
  7. Even after his Fall, then, the seraph does not apprehend it as such. It seems to him rather only a natural and unremarkable development of his life as it first came to him.
  8. I.e., the Fallen seraph does not understand evil as evil. It looks OK to him. He does not mind his suffering, because he knows no better. His life is normal to him. To what other might he compare it?
So only the seraphim who have not Fallen, and who can observe the squalid lives of their adversaries, can understand evil concretely. Because it is a deprivation of good, evil can be understood only from the perspective of that good.

Sexual Harassment: “Please God. Please make it stop.”

I have been forced to leave Cairo prematurely following a horrific sexual and physical attack in Tahrir Square.

The atmosphere was one of jubilation, excitement, and happiness as I walked, accompanied by two male companions for safety along Kasr El Nil bridge. I had had an awful day, caused by problems in personal relationships, so I was so happy to be in such a wonderful environment, getting such amazing footage. Women, children and fathers smiled, waved, and cheered happily at the camera, calling out the widely used phrase “welcome to Egypt! Welcome!”. Fireworks lit up the sky. It was a moving and captivating experience.

Just as I realised I had reached the end of the bridge, I noticed the crowd became thicker, and decided immediately to turn around to avoid Tahrir Square. My friends and I tried to leave. I tried to put my camera back in my rucksack.

But in a split second, everything changed. Men had been groping me for a while, but suddenly, something shifted. I found myself being dragged from my male friend, groped all over, with increasing force and aggression. I screamed. I could see what was happening and I saw that I was powerless to stop it. I couldn’t believe I had got into this situation.
My friend did everything he could to hold onto me. But hundreds of men were dragging me away, kicking and screaming. I was pushed onto a small platform as the crowd surged, where I was hunched over, determined to protect my camera. But it was no use. My camera was snatched from my grasp. My rucksack was torn from my back – it was so crowded that I didn’t even feel it. The mob stumbled off the platform – I twisted my ankle.

Men began to rip off my clothes. I was stripped naked. Their insatiable appetite to hurt me heightened. These men, hundreds of them, had turned from humans to animals.
Hundreds of men pulled my limbs apart and threw me around. They were scratching and clenching my breasts and forcing their fingers inside me in every possible way. So many men. All I could see was leering faces, more and more faces sneering and jeering as I was tossed around like fresh meat among starving lions.

I shouted “salam! Salam! Allah! Allah!”. In my desperate state I also shouted “ma’is salaama!” which actually means “goodbye” – just about the worst possible thing to say to a horde of men trying to ruin me. I might as well have yelled “goodbye cruel world! Down I go!”

A small minority of men, just a couple at first, tried to protect me and guide me to a tent. The tent was crushed, its contents scattered into shards all over the ground. I was barefoot as they stole my nice new shoes. I was tossed around once more, being violated every second. I was dragged naked across the dirty ground. Men pulled my blonde hair.
The men trying to protect me tried to guide me into another tent. I was able to scramble onto the ground.I sat with my back against a chair and surveyed the surging mob. Although a few men tried to form a human shield around me, offering me rags to cover my bruised body, men were still able to touch me. There were just too many.

I felt surprisingly calm. I understood what was happening and just transcended into a detached state of mind. I gazed around at the bared teeth and raging eyes. The tent began to collapse and I was cloaked in a huge sheet. I was struggling to breathe. One man lifted a tent pole and attempted to strike me with it.

At this point, I said aloud to myself, calmly, over and over, “please God. Please make it stop. Please God. Please make it stop.”
I’m not religious. But at times of desperation, we all feel compelled to appeal to some higher power to save us. It’s human nature. The need to feel safe and loved is what compels many to reach for religion in the first place.

An ambulance forced its way through the crowd. It opened its doors, and was invaded by tens of men. It closed up and drove away.

I began to think, “maybe this is just it. Maybe this is how I go, how I die. I’ve had a good life. Whether I live or die, this will all be over soon. Maybe this is my punishment for some of the emotional pain I’ve caused others through some foolish mistakes and poor judgement recently. I hope it’s quick. I hope I die before they rape me.”
I looked up and saw a couple of women in burkas scattered around. They looked at me blankly, then looked away.

After 5-10 minutes, my friend managed to convince people inside a medical tent to form a pathway through the crowd to guide me into the tent. During transit I was mauled and invaded.

I reached the tent and saw my friend Callum. Muslim women surrounded me and frantically tried to cover my naked body. I fell to the ground and apparently temporarily lost consciousness.

The women told me the attack was motivated by rumours spread by trouble-making thugs that I was a foreign spy, following a national advertising campaign warning of the dangers of foreigners. But if that was the cause, it was only really used as a pretext, an excuse.
The men outside remained thirsty for blood; their prey had been cruelly snatched from their grasp. They peered in, so I had to duck down and hide. They attempted to attack the tent, and those inside began making a barricade out of chairs. They wanted my blood.
Women were crying and telling me “this is not Egypt! This is not Islam! 

Please, please do not think this is what Egypt is!” I reassured her that I knew that was the case, that I loved Egypt and its culture and people, and the innate peacefulness of moderate Islam. She appeared stunned. But I’m not really a vengeful person and I could see through the situation. This vicious act was not representative of the place I had come to know and love.

After much heated debate, it was decided that Callum and I would leave separately to avoid attracting attention. I was disguised in a burka and men’s clothes and ordered to hold the hand of an Egyptian stranger who would pretend to be my husband. I was terrified but I could see it was the only way out, and had to decide to trust him.
He pulled me through the crowds out of the back of the tent. He told me: “don’t cry. Do not cry. Look normal.”

I was barefoot, dodging broken glass and debris, trawling through mud and dirt. My inner reserves of strength kicked in, and I stopped crying and just thought “keep calm and carry on.”

My trousers had clearly belonged to someone much fatter, and were falling down.
I thought I was being led to an ambulance, or to hospital. The man sat me down by the side of the road, still ordering me not to cry. Eventually, his friends turned up, with Callum. They explained that they couldn’t take us to hospital since they might be arrested if they were seen with us.

One man helpfully suggested: “you want to go to McDonalds? Get some food?” I declined this generous offer of culinary compensation for the evening’s events. Surprisingly, I wasn’t really in the mood for a Big Mac.

Callum and I went on our way. We eventually hailed a taxi. Upon reaching a government hospital downtown, we tried to explain the situation. People stared at us blankly, sloping around the corridors. We were turned away and told to go to a nearby hospital instead. Nobody would take us; we just had to walk there.

Upon arrival, I was eventually ushered into a small cubicle. Two men asked “are you pregnant? Married? A virgin?” They seemed displeased by my response of “no”.
They led me back outside to sit with Callum. I was refused examination and treatment. Eventually I decided I’d just have to check for damage myself. I went to the bathroom and couldn’t believe the reflection. I was dirty, wounded, with hair like a tramp and eyes wide with shock.

For 2-3 hours, people strolled past us, a couple of them making vague attempts at phonecalls to the embassy. At every stage, Callum did everything in his power to speed up the process and talk sense into everyone. It was thanks to him that the people in the medical tent saved me. He effectively saved my life.

Somehow, we ended up with the embassy thinking we were at the police station, the hospital staff not realising we were still at the hospital, and the police thinking we were…god knows where.

I was sat in a room full of men. One of them seemed to be taking a photo of me. I’m not sure why, as I wasn’t exactly looking glamorous. It all made my heart race.
It was Callum’s phonecalls (he had to use other people’s phones as both of ours had been stolen) that bore fruit. Finally our friends turned up with a lady from the embassy. I was taken to a private hospital where a doctor’s first question was “are you married?”, which is of course the most important question to be asking a victim of mass sexual abuse.
He and a female nurse (who only reluctantly kept me covered up) looked briefly at the damage and just wandered off, saying that because I didn’t have internal bleeding, they couldn’t do anything. A useful trip, that was.

Finally, I was taken home by my friends, and put to bed. I didn’t want to tell my family right away, as I knew it would destroy them.

Yesterday, I had a proper examination and darted around sorting things out, spending an eternity giving a police report. People with me were reduced to tears, but I didn’t real feel like crying. People kept telling me “you’re being so brave”, but I just felt like getting on with it. Maybe it’ll catch up with me in a few days, I don’t know.

A few things yesterday made me realise the impact this has had on me. During the examination, which was carried out by a woman, I was crying and shaking. To have someone touch me so soon after the event was terrifying.

Later, I couldn’t bear to be around groups of Egyptian men. And when it got dark, I panicked, and couldn’t bear to look any man in the eye. I clung to Callum all day. As we drove around Cairo, I couldn’t help but think “of all the people we’ve driven past today, one of them must have been in that crowd of hundreds last night. Just one.”

I am determined to continue with my documentary at some point. I have no equipment, (not even any of my photos) am nervous about the possibility of not getting my insurance to cover all the equipment and everything taken from me, and no money to resume the process. But I’ll get there. I have to find a silver lining to this experience. I have to spread awareness; it is my duty to do so. I have to do this; I will not be driven into submission. I will overcome this and come back stronger and wiser. My documentary will be fuelled by my passion to help make people aware of just how serious this issue is, and that it’s not just a passing news story that briefly gets people’s attention then is forgotten. This is a consistent trend and it has to stop. Arab women, western women – there are so many sufferers.

I am determined to return to this wonderful country and city that I love, and meet its people once again. I am determined to challenge the stereotypes and preconceptions that people have of Arab women back in the UK and the US. I have so much to say, and I will say it, in time.

So, to anyone taking risks, whether in the UK or worldwide, please, take care, and don’t make the same mistakes. Don’t be swept up in a wave of euphoria. Don’t let anything cloud your judgement. I was not focused enough because I was distracted by the wonderful atmosphere which was cheering me up after a difficult day.

But don’t let yourself become a victim. Don’t let bad experiences ruin your life and determine your future. One of the worst things two nights ago was that I had never felt so powerless. I had no control and I was violated. But now I can take control and rebuild my confidence, and learn from my experience.

Nothing, and nobody, will hold me back. When I’m ready, I’ll finish this. The show must go on.
Thank you very much for reading.

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Anika Devi received her Bachelor’s degree in Media, Culture and Communication from New York University in 2012. She began freelancing for Business Solutions BD in 2010 and joined the team as a staff writer three years later. She currently serves as the assistant editor.
Worked well for Website DA, Entrepreneurship, Starting a Blog, Payoneer MasterCard, Sex Tips, Phone Sex, So how do you think? Want to get into her pants? Read here